no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
