Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You pole danced in your parka.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
