yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
