We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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