dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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