I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
