got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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