I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
