I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just high enough for therapy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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