I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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