he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just had sex bonerless
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
