I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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