I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
