I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
