haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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