I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
