do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
