On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
