I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
