The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
