Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
