She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
