first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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