Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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