Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
