I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
