Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
