Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
