When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
