Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
