I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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