We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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