Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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