As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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