she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
