...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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