fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
