I think my fart just growled at me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
