I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
