I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
