So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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