Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
