I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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