My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
