Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
