Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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