Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd cum for enchiladas.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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