You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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