I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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