Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
