New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
