This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
