We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
